Friday, June 29, 2007

Tie the knot ...........

........around your neck that is !

I am just back from a few hours of shopping with my friend and her 5-year old son. Among other things , we discussed weddings and our own marriages . And we're doing fine , thank you very much .

And we spoke about some of our friends and acquaintances who've not yet tied the knot or are untying the knot. And I was not shocked or surprised. And she was offended that I chose not to react with symapthy ( or actually not react at all ) . I mean I am all for weddings and marriages , but if two people have decided that it's not working , what's there to sympathize about . I like nice endings but there is no endings is there ? It's an ongoing process .

Leks , Vim and D are gorgeous women - all have fantastic jobs and travel a lot . All are in their mid-thirties and unmarried. And I almost feel guilty going to meet their mums ( in fact , I haven't the last two times because it's excruciating ). They will gush " Oh ! look , you have a baby. And my daughter is not even married . What kind of friend are you ?" The kind that minds her own business and does not try and setup her friends because frankly, I really haven't found anyone worth their while. ( Oops, once I thought of setting up my boss with one of them - but he married a much younger woman - damn !). In my heart , I do hope they find the man of their dreams soon enough . But not because I feel their lives are incomplete . Because I truly want them to know what love is . To share their lives with someone they care about . And because I don't want their lives to be like this.

Dips is a smart girl - educated, social and amazingly entrepreneurial at such a young age. She was married at 24 to a software engineer in the US ( where else !) . Within a year, she had an abortion at the behest of her husband saying the timing was not good . And when her in-laws found out, they had the marriage annulled because they feared she wouldn't conceive ever again. So she returned and smart that she is , she went on with her business and work. But social pressures got the better of her and her parents found another alliance for her. They got married under the condition that neither was to ask about the past. I didn't like it - I would rather they put the cards on the table and take it from there. In a few months , she found not only was he schizophrenic. And gem that she is , she told him she'd stand by him if he agreed to go for counselling and treatments . He refused saying he was not sick. And then he was gay !! And she was shocked - while she hadn't expected a trouble-free marriage, this was the last thing. And she pleaded with her mother " Amma, I am here in a strange house with a complete stranger and I am not welcome. Please say it's ok if I am not married . Can I just come back home and be your daughter ?"


And that's why , I am not in favour of people getting married just because it's time to do so ? Or just because Jagada maami across the street quizzed your mom why you were still at home unmarried ? She might as well tie a knot around her daughter's head and hang her. Because this is certainly not what she wanted for the baby girl she gave birth to . Just because she wants acceptance from society and doesn't care what her child goes through.

Dips is happy , at home in her mom's safe arms and that's the way it should be .

9 comments:

~nm said...

Oh boy! She sure had rocky times in both her marriages! I don;t know if I should feel sympathy for her or feel happy and proud that she came off both of them with such dignity and courage and is doing so well for herself!

Wishing her the best in life and all the happiness that she can ask for!

Itchingtowrite said...

kudos to dips! and courageous gal she is

the mad momma said...

wow.. she seems to be completely jinxed.. yeah - i dont believe in setting up people who are at an age where they can take care of it themselves. it was cute in school -but not its a risk. we're all adults who know what is good for us...

i wish her luck anyway...

Just like that said...

Oh dear. Feel sorry for Dips, She's had a rough time both times. The first was simply infuriating tho' Her in-laws should be hung!!

Yeah, marriage is so much like a throw of dice. Even if you've fallen in love and gotten married, still its a stroke of luck that you're able to take the relation forwrd through all the ups and downs of life.

I hope Dips is happy in life

Just like that said...

btw. came to you from Moppet's Mom's blog.

Poppins said...

Oh man, that's such a sad story. Better unmarried than married like that !

Moppet's Mom said...

What are the odds that it would happen twice over to the same person! Poor thing. I hope she finds happiness soon.

And also - you've been tagged.

Itchingtowrite said...

tagged

~nm said...

tagged you!